Posts by BeWarne.

Section to be removed

He spoke on top of her last words, “Germany is trying to save the world from them. They caused Germany to lose the last war.”

“How? Wait, I read a flyer once that enumerated the reasons Germany lost the war. It had footnotes to German documentation on what caused Germany to sue for peace. For instance, its allies were starving and their governments were falling apart.”

“We didn’t need Austria or Turkey.”

“Back in Germany, the women had turned against the war due to the loss of their menfolk, and because at the end even the pipes in their streets and ancient bells were melted down to be turned into bullets, etc.”

“That was just temporary. We were winning and moving westward across France.”

“Battles on the Western Front had gained only useless territory. When German soldiers tried to take something useful at Amiens, the British and French forces held.”

“The next wave would have broken through.”

“Starving soldiers aren’t as capable as you might think. With all the problems, there was really no room for anyone else, Jews or anyone, to add to the fact that Germany had lost, it was alone against the world at the end, no allies, no food, nothing left.”

“Jews were behind the strikes back home.”

“I’m sure there were some Jews among the strikers. But those strikes were just one of Germany’s problems.”

“And Jewish bankers were bleeding the government dry.”

“All the bankers, Jewish and Germans were doing the same things, pretty much writing off their losses.”

“Lies.”

“German documents prove it all — wish I remembered the attributions but you would probably refuse to check them anyway. And the Americans were arriving with what seemed like unlimited additional manpower for the Allies. Meanwhile, Jews were fighting and dying for Germany, winning medals for valor, etc. And on the Eastern front, the local Jews there had welcomed the Germans, as they had suffered terribly under the Russians.”

“Lies.”

“Strange how you accuse others of trying to dominate the world when everyone can see that that is exactly what Germany is doing. And then you accuse others of lying when Germany has made lying a major governmental office.”

Section to rewrite

This section is too long and people are telling me that isn’t the way most people think so I need to rewarite:

The two German officers rushed off to the edge of the ridge to check out the column. Captain/Hauptmann Kichner spread the word for quiet. Mortars were already being set up by the Oberleutnant’s men. The British column would be a sitting duck if it got well within range before they started firing and that was surely the tactic for which they were preparing.

Such thoughts came naturally to Katherine who had an uncle who was an army general. At a time when she had expressed interest in military matters, he had talked to her about different things and shown her several weapons including mortars—like the ones now being set up. Many years ago, when she wasn’t overheated in a desert life-and-death situation, but she had always had a good memory.

The mortars were being assembled close to where she still sat on the canvas dispatch bag. Three were set up and primed as the operators went back and forth from a truck for shells.

Too bad, she thought, one of the British military prisoners wasn’t where she was now. They could probably have gotten to a mortar to fire off a warning shot. But none were close enough.

Only she was in the right position. But she was really exhausted and untrained. Having seen a mortar and lifted a shell hardly qualified as training! How could she run to even the closest mortar? No way could she lift a shell and gently, evenly, calmly drop it down the barrel.

At the moment she could hardly lift her empty hand to shade her eyes for more than a minute. No one would expect her to do anything. Not her British superiors—but then also not her German enemies. No one.

If she hadn’t used up all her strength and energy already, though, it might appear to have been set up by the powerful but unseen Spirits just for her. At another time and place, she might be able to do something. But she could barely stand. Her arms ached from the repetitive motion of tossing paper into the fire: the paper had been light, there had just been a lot of it. And she felt faint from the scaldingly hot heat which sapped her more and more with each breath she took and each additional moment she spent under this unrelenting sun.

Yes, breath. She decided to focus on breathing slowly, deeply from her belly through her nose. The way she would prepare to walk a tight rope.

Maybe if everything was set exactly. No, it would be crazy. She’d not only be risking her life but maybe also the safety of her nurses. She kept breathing. Maybe if she had a little more time to recover. But time was in short supply, as it always was.

The choice would have been an impossible one, even had she been strong enough to have a chance of succeeding.

And she wasn’t getting stronger sitting here. Even through the bag, heat penetrated up to her from the sand below.

Katherine knew she was in the right position to fire a warning shot, though. Crazy thought. She couldn’t do it. Besides if she tried, they would probably shoot her. She wondered if the British would hear the shot—no, no chance over the motors of their transports. Why was she still thinking about this? She’d already used up all the energy she had. She had no reserves to draw on!

Absolutely crazy. Both the idea and her. Her brain had obviously been affected by the sun. She had once read that people had gone crazy under the Sahara sun. She could hardly suspect that she was immune. A good brain gone bad, such a shame! She should be locked up. Oh, yeah, the Germans were planning to do just that!

Anyway, what she imagined was surely impossible. Well, almost impossible. Almost, but maybe not completely, impossible. That made it sticky. Even if it was crazy, if it was possible, maybe she should try it. Crazy ideas sometimes succeeded just because they were so unexpected.

And it seemed almost as if this had been set up for her by Those who control arrange such things to test mortals—sometimes to tempt them into horrors but sometimes to offer them something unique and rewarding, a way out of a terrible situation if they do it right. Which was this?

She had at times in the past let such opportunities pass her by and horrible things had happened. But at other times she had taken on such openings and made things worse. She must not fall victim to the hubris of thinking the spirits were on her side. They were rarely on anyone’s side for long, angles and demons were the same thing in the long run. They had their own agendas that mortals could hardly personalize with any understanding of the larger picture.

But Katherine knew she had the background and experience to actually do this—not just her knowledge of mortars, such a simple weapon to use, just carefully drop the shell down a primed tube. But her juggling abilities would allow her to deal well with controlling the shell from the pile to the tube and to drop it straight. She’d know where to put her feet due to the training with high wire acts. And even the fact that she was dead tired and everyone knew she was totally exhausted would work in her favor since people wouldn’t think she could do it even after she started running.

She couldn’t see the British column, but she assumed a column might consist of 15 to 30 men. At an outside chance, she might be able to save them. Could she give up on such a chance?

She wasn’t seeing any better way—it would be tricky if it was even possible, a snowball might have a better chance of surviving out here for a whole minute. No one would blame her for not taking such an imagined
opportunity. No one else would even assume a possibility had ever existed, not for her anyway. But she was beginning to think she might have a chance. A minimal chance but a chance. And she wanted to avoid a life filled with regrets, recriminations and sleepless nights going over things in her mind over and over again after it was too late to do anything about it as she still did for other lost opportunities in her life.

No one would ever know of the idea, or she could even tell them she had thought of it and they would say she was right not to have attempted it. But if 15 men died because she had never tried, she would have to live with that. Risking death might well be easier. But it was one of those all too common situations where she really didn’t know what to do and still had to make a choice.

Katherine went over it in her mind, back and forth considering the chances, looking for variations, picturing everything step-by-step. And in the middle of that she kept getting the thought that she was not only risking her own life but the lives of her nurses. No, Rommel’s troops wouldn’t do that. Probably. Maybe. But these same German troops under different commanders on the Eastern Front had easily killed women and children as well as other innocents.

Her mind reeled with the choices she had before her.

She did have another advantage: Even German soldiers, especially those under Rommel, might hesitate to shoot a nurse, they might need one some day. And they might not assume she had any chance, which would mean they didn’t feel threatened by anything she could do. With all the disadvantages she did have advantages as well.

She trusted herself to the precarious hands of The Spirits. She would see what the situation was when she was taken back to her nurses as she was sure she would be. Just in case she walled off her sense of fear which was great and if left unchecked might make her hesitate where she couldn’t afford to.

Preventing Reader Boredom

How to Prevent Reader Boredom in Your Novel (Plot-Protagonist Secret #1)
by Jim Adam

If the obstacles aren’t great enough, reader boredom will likely set in. If the obstacles are too great, we’ll be forced to cheat in order to reach a happy ending…. we need to carefully match our protagonists to the obstacles they face, and vice versa.

Agent Discusses Recent ICRS Convention

Agent asked editors what they really wanted in new projects

and heard the following:

In Fiction:

  1. “regardless of genre, almost every editor told me they’re looking for strong female protagonists. This is particularly true in historical and historical romance. No wimpy women!”
  2. “they seem to want characters in interesting locations and unique occupations that will add to the story.”

Writer Uses for Twitter

This is an interesting list from Meryl’s Notes Blog

50+ Writer Uses for Twitter

Music and Fiction Writing

From the Kill Zone blog:

Soundtrack of Suspense: How Music Influences My Words by Robert Liparulo

Pace. Rhythm. Tension. It’s no coincidence these terms describe both stories and music. In fact, for me, music has always helped me create stories.

100 Web Tools for Writing

Another great list

100 Useful Web Tools for Writin

Recommended by the 50 Free Resources list mentioned in the previous post.

50 Free Resources for Writing Skills

This is an interesting list:

50 Free Resiources that will Improve Your Writing Skillls

Plot Whisperer Blog

Just found a blog called “Plot Whisperer for Writers and Readers” - “International plot consultant reflects on the development of plot and structure for writers to achieve maximum reader connection and enjoyment.”

The posts are quite interesting and useful.

Blog seems to be associated with the website “Blockbuster Plots“.  I haven’t had a chance to get in to either much yet but this looks promising.

Writer’s Digest List of 101 Top Writing Sites

Writer’s Digest List of 101 Top Writing Sites for 2009.

R. L. LaFevers Blog on Writing

R.L. LaFevers Blog

Yesterday’s post was on things learned in a Donald Maass all day workshop. In the previous days discussion of plots and conflict, etc.

Economist Style Guide

I find the Writer’s Digest blog “Best Tweets for Writers” by Jane Friedman to be lovely. Discovered a couple of the previous posts for today from this. Plus I would have missed this Tweet without the above summary

The Economist’s writing style guide is fantastic. @thesolowriter

And this is really good though aimed at journalists on its staff. One thing I noted was this about dashes (which I know I overuse)

Dashes

You can use dashes in pairs for parenthesis, but not more than one pair per sentence, ideally not more than one pair per paragraph.

Use a dash to introduce an explanation, amplification, paraphrase, particularisation or correction of what immediately precedes it. Use it to gather up the subject of a long sentence. Use it to introduce a paradoxical or whimsical ending to a sentence. Do not use it as a punctuation maid-of-all-work (Gowers).

Author Website

There is a lot of information out there about how every author needs an author website and that this should be live long before the first book comes out. Maybe before you try to find an agent and before you get a publisher. But what do you put into such a website. This article discusses some of the things (may not all apply to someone whose book isn’t yet out):

6 Things Readers Want from Your Author Website

Foundation of Storytelling

Web page: Perceiving The Foundation of Storytelling by Bill Johnson. Interesting general article.

I Have Done a Major Rewrite

I have done a major rewrite and changed the first chapter into two. I have yet to make the other chapters fit with the changes so they are still the first draft. I am calling the rewritten material a second draft. Now I need to leave that material alone for awhile since I have to get distance from my own writing in order to see it clearly. The Timeline and the other chapters are still going to be referring to Katherine’s university education and that all has to be removed. And other things as well have to be changed. And then I have an additional chapter mostly written to add. And the next chapter is in my head and “all I have to do is get it written down.” But if you have ever gotten something straight in your head and then started writing it down, you may have found as I have that the writing process is not as easy as you might think! Anyway, I think the first two chapters are a vast improvement but the whole is more of a jumbled mess than it was.

Top Ten Things About Editing

Top Ten Things I Know About Editing by Alexandra Sokoloff

1. Cut, cut, cut.

2. Read your book aloud. All of it. Cover to cover.

3. Find a great critique group.

4. Do several passes.

5. Whatever your genre is, do a dedicated pass focusing on that crucial genre element.

6. Know your Three Act Structure.

7. Do a dedicated DESIRE LINE pass in which you ask yourself for every scene: “What does this character WANT? Who is opposing her/him in this scene? Who WINS in the scene? What will they do now?”

8. Do a dedicated EMOTIONAL pass, in which you ask yourself in every chapter, every scene, what do I want my readers to FEEL in this moment?

9. Do a dedicated SENSORY pass, in which you make sure you’re covering what you want the reader to see, hear, feel, taste, smell, and sense.

10. Finally, and this is a big one: steal from film structure to pull your story into dramatic line. For this There is a STORY ELEMENTS CHECKLIST

Revision Checklist

Revision Checklist from Nathan Bransford - Literary Agent

(some of these have links to other things posted)

- Does the main plot arc initiate close enough to the beginning that you won’t lose the reader?
- Does your protagonist alternate between up and down moments, with the most intense towards the end?
- Are you able to trace the major plot arcs throughout the book? Do they have up and down moments?
- Do you have enough conflict?
- Does the reader see both the best and worst characteristics of your main characters?
- Do your characters have backstories and histories? Do these impact the plot?
- Is the pacing correct for your genre? Is it consistent?
- Is your voice consistent? Is it overly chatty or sarcastic?
- Is the tense completely consistent? Is the perspective consistent?
- Is there sufficient description that your reader feels grounded in the characters’ world?
- Is there too much description? (David R. Slayton)
- Are momentous events given the weight they deserve?
- Look closely at each chapter. If you can take out a chapter and the plot will still make sense, is it really necessary? Should some events be folded in with others?
- Do the relationships between your characters develop and change and become more complicated as the book goes on?
- What do your characters want? Is it apparent to the reader? Do they have both conscious and unconscious motivations?
- Do you know what your writing tics are? Do you overuse adverbs, metaphors, facial expressions, non-”said” dialogue tags, or interjections? Have you removed them?
- Do you overuse certain words or phrases? Is your word choice perfect throughout?
- Does your book come to a completely satisfying conclusion? Does it feel rushed?
- Do your main characters emerge from the book irrevocably changed?
- Are your characters distinguishable? Does it make sense to combine minor characters? (Kiersten)
- Do each of your scenes make dramatic sense on their own as well as move the overall plot forward? (Pete Peterson)

Writing Advice Database

Writing Advice Database from Nathan Bransford - Literary Agent

includes links to previous blog posts such as:

The limits of verisimilitude
What is pacing?
Is your dialogue stilted?
Is there such a thing as being too controversial?
Avoiding non-said/asked dialogue tags
Character and plot are inseparable
Are you sure you want to begin with dialogue?
Is your protagonist sufficiently sympathetic?
Does your novel have enough conflict?
You Tell Me responses: What makes for good dialogue?
Do you (and your readers) know what your characters want?

Blog Post on Revision

A blog post on revision from
A Schmooze is a gathering of children’s writers and illustrators designed to share knowledge, great news, and companionship.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Revision Roundup - Westside Schmooze Edition!

We also shared a few highlights from a talk given by Firebrand Literary agent Michael Stearns at SCBWI-LA Writer’s Day, this past April 18th, titled “The Plot Thickens: 13 Questions to Ask of a Way Too Wimpy Storyline.”

1.) Do you have a clock in your story?
2.) Have you buried the ends of your chapters? (End chapters on cliffhangers!)
3.) Have you structured your story to create suspense?
Is the straightforward telling the BEST way for your story?
(Check out Michael’s blog entry on ABDCE: Action, Background, Development, Climax, Ending.
5.) Have you taken full advantage of using subplots?
Subplots provide camouflage for your main plotline, to distract the readers from what you’re really up to.
Rita expanded on this, sharing the Using “B” Plots and “C” Plots concept Kathleen Duey spoke about at the summer conference years ago, on how to use subplots to solve pacing issues and deal with “the sagging middle.”
10.) Have you taken advantage of how everybody but everybody lies?
12.) Have you followed through on every consequence of your characters’ acts?
13.) Have you been as mean as possible to you characters?
Michael quoted another author’s idea of always asking, while writing, “Does it hurt yet?”

Great Characters

Blog Post “Great Characters - Their Best Kept Secret” by James Bonnet:

Great stories, myths and legends are dominated by quintessential elements….

The quintessential can be applied to any element of your story but is especially effective when applied to the professions and dominant traits of your characters. If you take these dimensions to the quintessential, you will make your characters more intriguing. They will make an important psychological connection and that will add significantly to the power of your work….

The dominant trait is the dominant character trait which the character personifies. Every truly great character has a dominant trait that has been taken to the quintessential….

the key to making your characters truly memorable and merchandisable. Take their dominant traits to the quintessential.,,,

Characters that possess this charisma become like deities….

I am not sure of this but it is interesting.